A lesson on relationships

I’m enrolled in 4 classes currently. One is focused on improving our fluency in Chinese, meaning that we’re learning more complicated grammar and a higher level of vocab. I’m also in a ‘reading newspaper’ class, where we read shortened newspaper stories, and discuss them. My third class is focused on improving/correcting our pronunciation. Chinese has four different tones that can change the meaning of the word depending on the tone. So you could think you’re saying something very clever when in fact you’re saying something very stupid – it all depends on the tone. OOOooohhmmmm!!
The final class I have is a one-on-one class with a professor of epidemiology and public health. This class aims at improving my vocab in the field I’ll be studying in China, and also serves as an introduction to public health in China. This is two hours of just her and me, with not much of an agenda other than having a conversation about the state of China’s public health system. It’s actually been quite difficult to navigate. In China there is a very different teaching philosophy and culture than in America. In America we’re encouraged to question, to answer questions, to expound our views as much as possible. So much so that there’s always that kid in class that you wish would just shut-up. In China, you listen, you take notes, and you do the work you’re told to do. There is little in the way of a relationship with the professor. I think this is changing in some of the major Universities like Beijing University, or Fudan University, but for the most part the professors words are not to be questioned. My roommate, who is Chinese, expressed this teaching culture to me and we discussed briefly what the teaching philosophy is in America. I think/hope that University is not to train someone to do a specific thing (it’s not a vocational school), but more importantly its purpose is to prepare a student for a life of learning and creating. My professor and I are working through these differences and I think we are slowly discovering how to make it work. I do not refrain from asking questions in any way, but I restrain myself slightly when I have differences in opinion and find ways to probe the issue without pushing my opposing opinion down her throat (which is really how discussions should be carried out in the first place). She also has adjusted, and I think in order to adjust she views me as a part professional (which I sort of am) and part student (which is also true). Our first meeting went far from well and exposed two other large gaps in our communication. The first was language. Yes, I’m becoming more and more proficient in Chinese, but understanding a woman with a different accent than I’m used to, and an advanced and sometimes specialized vocab (which I’m slowly learning) hasn’t been completely easy. She speaks little to no English which means every word that I don’t understand she has to wave hands, and talk in circles. This of course is frustrating for both of us. However this has not been the end to our frustration. Our very first meeting she had prepared a small introduction to epidemiology and public health in China. The introduction was cursory at best. I with my American mindset, insisted on a more in depth discussion of the subject – give me the juice, what’s really happening or not happening on the front-lines of the war against deadly infectious diseases, where’s all the drama I’ve been reading about. This was probably not the best way to navigate our relationship and she became defensive, and I became ever-more angry. And I think because of this she was not willing give the slightest bit of criticism of China, its government or the way infectious diseases have been handled. She claimed HIV was not a problem in China… the government hands out free drugs, services… everywhere. TB? The same. And migrant workers? The millions of rural peasants who crowd into the city to take part in the largest mass construction project the world has ever seen – that is the building of a 1.3billion strong nation – they’re all fine too. “No their life isn’t so good as mine, but they’re easily pleased.” “There are no problems in China.” Now I had read different and I “knew” better. However, knowledge is irrelevant if someone holds the key to furthering that knowledge and you haven’t yet convinced them to let you in. So I was taken aback, and then finally realized and learned/re-learned a lesson about the humility and trust that is necessary to build a positive relationship. We’ve moved past, or have found ways to deal with these differences, and I am continually building her trust in me and we have finally found ways to talk about sticky somewhat contentious health issues. For instance, I often start off discussing problems in America which by no coincidence also happen to be problems in China. It’s still a struggle because we have different ideas about what is ok to discuss, different opinions on the nature of disease and what forces (whether structural: poverty, or behavioral: drug use, selling of sex) are important in studying a disease. However, I’m enjoying it and have fond that the more effort I put in, the more effort she puts in and the more she is willing to discuss. It’s a pretty simple lesson, but it’s one that I/we sometimes forget in the US-culture of immediate access to information. The sharing of information demands a relationship, and a relationship demands attention, patience, and understanding.